The HOW Will Figure Itself Out

I’ve been studying the business world for many years. I had never thought of myself as an entrepreneur. Yet, what I love the most is working on my own creative projects. I had my first epiphany in 2011 as I was reading a book that spoke to my Soul. I had just moved to Ottawa. I remember holding the book firmly in my hands as my heart opened up. It became all warm and tingly inside and I began to tear up. I knew at that moment that I had discovered something real about myself. Something undeniably true that would open up a space for a deeper purpose to be revealed and for growth to take place.

“Oh my god, this is why I’m here,” I kept repeating, walking around in my new tiny apartment. There was no place to go, and certainly no place to hide. Haha. I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of expansiveness that I called my friend who had given me the book Succulent Wild Woman by SARK, but could hardly speak. “I am meant to bring people together around creativity so that they know they are not struggling alone”, I wrote in my journal later that day.

And then came the HOW. The Harsh Overthinking Whisper in my head that said: “But how are you going to do that?” Truth is, I had no fucking clue. Ha! But the call to action was so clear that I decided I would learn. And so I did. I purchased books, programs, listened to podcasts, attended conferences and workshops and online events, and even hired a business coach. And I’m glad I did. Because results require action. Right?

But there was a piece missing: all those years, I had been so focused on the doing that I had forgotten about the being. In other words, I was constantly “working” on my business (and that’s exactly the language I was using when people would ask me what I was doing) but I was not embodying “the person I needed to be in my business” in my everyday life… YIKES! How was that possible?… I was still struggling with SO many things! And fortunately, with a little self-compassion, I accepted that I wasn’t through with my bullshit and had to slow down to reevaluate my life. My choices. My eating habits. My personal relationships. Everything.

It wasn’t until recently that I made some important changes that brought me closer to that version of myself I am picturing as a leader, speaker, sacred space holder. It wasn’t easy. In order to make lasting changes, we need to go within and untangle some deep twisted beliefs that we have ingested, most of them when we were kids, and face our fears. That takes tremendous courage. And it’s certainly not something we want to be doing alone. Along the way, I managed to attract other souls who are also traveling with their flashlights along the dark corridors of their beings, and we helped each other. (Aren’t we all still figuring our shit out?) 

As I became stronger and more loving to myself, I decided I would try my best to become friends with the monsters that lied under my bed and haunted me for so long. I sometimes thank them for being a part of my story. Because it’s a story that I can share with other people who are still struggling with their monsters.

I want to be that person. I want to be a person who holds a flashlight for myself and others when it gets dark. A person who radiates joy, possibility, creativity, hope, freedom, happiness.

I am choosing to be that person today.

I am being that person today.

The HOW will figure itself out.

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